Our sister Fawn shared this letter with her Brentwood Hills Family this past Sunday morning (8/15/10). Several people requested that we post the letter on our web site. Fawn is pleased to share her thoughts with everyone.
To my Brentwood Hills Family:
I am so happy to share some news with you! Itís about a freedom in Christ that Iíve not known in a long time. God freed me of bitterness recently, and I just canít keep it to myself!
Hereís my background: I have a loving mother and grandmother who have always taught me that Jesus loves me. So, I KNOW God loves me. I know it. My brain has always comprehended that God loves me, but my spirit has not felt it in a long time. Iíve felt it at moments. He has tugged at my heart when I hear a sermon. He has tugged at my heart when one of the teens in the BHYG has given me a hug. He has tugged at my heart when I am loved by my co-workers here at BHCC. But Iíve never really accepted that I deserve love. I KNOW I deserve love, but I donít feel I deserve it.
So, God sent a beautiful person to pray for me. She prayed for me to have a renewed mind and a new song to sing, and for the first time in my memory, I cried without embarrassment. I cried and I told God, ďYes! I accept your love.Ē
I thought I was done, but God said, ďOh no! Iím not done with you, yet. Youíve got to do some forgiving,Ē and I knew who he meant.
In a perfect world a father is put in a childís life to protect and love. I was given that for a season, but unfortunately, my father left me. From that time on I have been hearing and accepting Satanís lies. Lies like, ďSee Fawn? You werenít enough. You werenít good enough to be loved. You didnít do the right things. You donít deserve to be loved.Ē I invited those lies in to my home and entertained Self-pity and Bitterness. I made them a place at my table, gave them my room, and told them to make themselves at home, and they did. At first they were poor house guests, but then they invited their buddy, Sarcasm, over. I made Sarcasm my best friend, and he taught me how to enjoy Self-Pity and Bitterness. I even told myself that Sarcasm would help others accept my Self-pity and Bitterness.
And thatís who Iíve been living with for over 10 years. Iíve tried to kick them out several times, but I didnít know how to keep them out. Then God said, ďI am here!Ē When I told God I accepted His love doors opened.
He sent another woman to lead me in forgiveness. She told me to forgive my father. I said, ďI forgive you, dad!Ē Then she told me to ask for forgiveness from God for holding Him responsible for my bitterness towards my dad. Thatís when the light turned on! I asked for forgiveness, and He gave it, and I believed it, and I felt it! And God told me He wants this for all of His people! He wants you to know youíre His favorite! And Iím okay with you being His favorite as long as you know Iím His favorite, too!
I am willing to be undignified in Christ! I am willing to be embarrassed by Christ! And now, Iím asking you to be willing, also. I need prayer today, because I donít want to let go of Godís love. I donít want this to be a short, emotional burst, and then I leave here and invite Bitterness and Self-Pity back in. I need you to pray for me, but I also need to know that Iím not alone. I know many of you heard my story and thought, ďYeah, thatís me, too.Ē Maybe your story is worse. Maybe your story isnít as bad. But if you have known the sadness of rejection from someone who was supposed to love you, then I invite you to join me. God is calling you to forgive. Forgive until thereís nothing left to forgive. Forgive the same grievance over and over again. Because the Bitterness that has forced itís way into your home is a cancer, a cancer that is festering. A cancer that has only come to steal, kill, and destroy! But God says, ďNo! I want you to have life, and have it in the full!Ē So, be bold! Join me! Reject the spirit of rejection in the name of Jesus Christ! Come, be prayed over by the Body of Christ who loves you.
Church of Christ
5120 Franklin Road
Nashville, Tennessee 37220
Phone: (615) 832-2541
Fax: (615) 832-2583